jesssmithwriting

Devote yourself to your purpose and you will cultivate the life you desire.

Tag: love

Hold Space

when you find yourself

and you learn to love her

others will come

to See the light you’ve worked so hard to find

 

they will come

and they will leech.

 

When they feel empty,

they will blame you

 

you’ve played the chasing game

but theirs has just begun

 

so please, tell me now

that you will take a step back

take an objective stance

and see that when they hurt you

it is only because they hurt inside

 

do not forfeit your joy

and certainly do not forfeit your light.

For their hungry hearts will grow tired

of your unwillingness to give It up

 

do not allow others’ pain to shape your joy

do not allow their emptiness to drain your fulfillment

do not give up the person you have worked so hard to become

 

because there will be days it will appear easier

to be one with the game they’re all playing

feeding one another’s egos

so they too may be fed

 

but no one’s got no one’s back

..unless it entails keeping a gun behind it..

trigger loaded

 

and when it’s pulled we all react so well

Stop

Drop

Roll

We’re so good at asking questions

after the fact

 

‘Cause we are all so fucking busy playing dumb

wondering why the gun was loaded,

why was the trigger pulled?

 

cause everyone’s hurting

but we ignore the pain

everyone’s living in vain

or hiding in shame

 

.Now, if we’d all take a moment.

 

A moment of silence in remembrance

not just of the forgotten ones,

But Who We Were when it all began

 

Because it’s not that we don’t know,

Not that we can’t heal,

but years of distraction can convince one of anything

 

That: the emptiness is real

the pain is the truth

disparity is our state

 

So God, take me back

to the moment we fell from Grace

 

Show me purity of soul

Show me Love’s true essence

Remind me of Life’s true Blessing

 

Because through you, we live on

And through us, you the same

 

God grant me patience

To be understanding

of where we all reside within ourselves,

in the time we reside there

 

Grant me your eyes,

to See the greatest parts of the hurting souls

Not so that I may excuse their behavior,

but so that I may maintain a level of Hope

in Who They Are beneath the pain

 

Allow me to hold space for others,

so that when I lie on the other side of the line,

When I lie on the side of darkness,

I know that someone will hold space for me

Someone who too has asked for your patience

has asked for Your understanding

has asked for Your eyes

So that they may see the greatest parts of me, in my hurt

Not so that they may excuse my behavior,

but so they may maintain a level of Hope

in the person I Am beneath my pain.

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2015

Written to the sounds of Mick Jenkins “Canada Dry” and “Healer”:

Jess,

You do not need to “remedy” yourself. See any growth from this day forward as building upon a solid foundation, rather than filling a void within yourself. Be gentle.

Forgive your “weaknesses” and be sure that these are “weaknesses” by your choice and not someone else’s.

Feed your strengths. Work the system around them..yes, this is a possibility. In fact, this is what all successful people have done.

Embrace your eccentricities.

Nurture tenderness in yourself and everyone around you.

Judge no one. Be empathetic towards those who judge you. There is a place within everyone that hurts at times and many people act from this place regularly..this has nothing to do with you. Rebound anyone’s pain with Love. Love always provides a mirror. You cannot change others but you can inspire. For yourself and those around you, always act from Love.

Hold your visions close to you. When you share them, know that they will be questioned..consider this strength training.

Stay close to anything that allows you to see yourself more clearly.

Keep going to the ocean at night. You feel at home because You are made of water and stars.

If you wanna be a rapper, rap. If you wanna be a boxer, box. If you wanna be a writer, write. There are no terms and conditions to these terms ..it’s some Nike shit, Just Do It.

Be Free and stay grounded

Remember that any Great artists/athletes/people you have studied can only be seen by you as “Great” because you see the potential within yourself to be Great. Always feed your potential.

Continue shattering the illusion of barriers until the day comes that We realize there are no such things.

Gratitude. Always be Grateful.

Above all..Enjoy the ride.

Love, Jess

The Birds and Bees (a lurrrve poem to no one!)

I am the sound of harmonics

on a hollow bodied guitar

 

I am the sweet smell of rain,

freshly fallen on a flower bed of lilies

 

I am warm mud

oozing through your fingertips

giving life to the worms, to the birds,

birds giving flight to the sky

 

I am the bass of a sweaty hip hop club

making your heart beat

deeper than it has before

 

I am the dark pockets in the ocean

you don’t know what’s there…

but you’ll jump anyways

 

I am the hook you can’t get out of your head.

 

And you…

You are red licorice..and bubblegum…

and hot lips..and cinnamon hearts!

spicy, but still sooo sweet

 

You are my favourite pop song

3 minutes and 30 seconds of perfection

that fills me just enough

yet I can’t help but play you on repeat

 

You are my favourite pair of old, worn in jeans

that I won’t ever be able to throw away

 

You are the adrenaline of jumping from heights

you make me afraid…

but I will jump anyways

 

You are the hook I can’t get out of my head.

 

So let’s run run away together

until our legs and bones ache

because our hearts no longer will

 

I want to be your free fall

And you be mine

 

I want to be your ocean shore

calling you into me

 

And we will Love deeply.

 

I want to kiss you when you cry

Have your tears land softly on my lips

And I will take them as my own

As long as I know you will not have to hurt

 

I will be a dim light,

never too bright,

to remind you in the dark

that you are not alone

 

And you,

you will do the same

Not out of need,

but desire

 

We will love freely!

 

Because I make you fly

And you make me drip like honey

It’s just you and me,

the birds and the bees

My Path: The Questioning and It’s Beauty

Part One: The Questioning
There are days I am absolutely sure of “where I am going”, days I don’t for a moment question my path. Then there are days where I wake up very unsure of myself.

Singing/performing music has always been my retreat from the world..my beautiful escapism. When they say “music is my drug” it comes off cliche, but it truly is my drug. I go somewhere outside of this planet, some place where I get to exist in my most raw and vulnerable form. A place where people’s perceptions of me are irrelevant and more importantly my perception of myself is irrelevant.

I always believed that because this was what I was most passionate about, in order to be happy in life I HAD to pursue music as a career. This is now something I question regularly. And THIS is my deepest secret. I always judged people who questioned their art. I thought that meant they didn’t care enough, didn’t love it enough. So now, karma is coming full circle as I question my career and critically judge myself.

I have come to learn that it is not so much my ART that I question, but the industry I have to enter if I choose to make a career out of my art. There is so much about the music industry and “show business” that honestly disgusts me. Show business is not about art, show business is about MONEY. And I am NOT about money. I innocently (and accidentally) fell into this with honest intentions, to make art and share it with the world. I did not realize the business side of what I was entering into when I made the choice to pursue this dream. The show industry is built upon ideals that in NO way, shape or form align with Who I Am.

People ask me “Jessica, why don’t you go on one of those singing shows? Go on Canadian Idol or something?” And I always respect that those asking this want the best for me, so I respond with something along the lines of “oh that’s not really my thing, pop music.” What I am truly thinking is “that is the nearest thing to selling my soul.” While I have much respect for the talented contenders of these shows, I see what a twisted scheme the whole thing is. I watch a young, innocent, talented kid enter a competition to achieve their dreams and come out a generic PRODUCT. They choose their most suitable/marketable bubble for each contender and SELL. What some people don’t realize is that once you win a competition like this, there are contracts that bind you. When some labels sign you, they assume the right to “OWN” you. There are countless stories I have heard/read about where artists lose rights to their music, where they are told what they can and cannot do, and what kind of art they can and cannot create. When people are desperate to achieve their dreams they don’t pay attention the rights they are possibly signing away. THESE are the reasons I question what I am doing.

MUSIC I love, with all of my heart. It has saved me over and over. The music industry on the other hand, is so far removed from reality, in the worst possible way. And I am afraid of it. I am afraid of having to become something I am not. The reality is, I will NEVER become someone else’s product. I will never allow someone to tell me who I can or cannot be. I will NOT pretend. I have spent so much time and energy discovering Who I Am and learning to love that person, and to lose that now would be detrimental.

I have never shared this with anyone, and I am afraid to. I want to be the girl who “always wanted this” and “always will want this,” but I am not sure right now. I am not sure if I am willing to be a part of an industry in which it’s ideals do not align with Who I Am and what I value.

Part 2: The Beauty in the Questioning
At first it scared and threatened me to be questioning the one thing in my life I was so sure of. It felt unstable. This was always my “thing” I could fall back on, when nothing else felt guaranteed. So I panicked, obviously, in true Jessica style. Do not think, do not breathe, just panic… After doing this for a little while and recognizing that I was solving nothing, I took a deep breath and told myself I needed to look at what I was scared of, what I was questioning. That is when I learned what I discussed above, that I was not questioning the art itself, but rather the industry. This was a relief because it meant I never undervalued my work and what I was creating. Where the beauty lies is that had I never questioned any of this, I may have blindly entered into a career/life that goes against so many of my beliefs. Now I at least have the foresight to be prepared and have built a shield to protect myself from anyone/anything that may try to mould me into THEIR idea of what is “right.”

I read an article written by a man named Ryan Coleman, in which he discussed the positives in questioning ourselves and he said “questions structure and guide your thinking.” If we do not question, than we are likely floating, oblivious to our reasoning for our actions. Now, post-questioning, if I decide to continue pursuing music as my career, I know that it has been a very conscious and well informed decision. I also know that I have now created a safety “moat” around me, keeping out people who do not align with my beliefs, no matter what business venture I take part in.

It is through questioning that we discover the importance of things in our lives. If we do not take the time to discern, then we are unaware. Pursuing something mindlessly, having never looking at the other possibilities keeps you in a bubble. And while that bubble may be safe, who knows what you might be missing out on. Now, on the other hand, if we take time to question the things we love (careers, relationships, etc.), there are two options: A. We release whatever it is we are questioning, because we realize it no longer serves us. OR B. We question and come back with full force, stronger than before, because we NOW know how important it is to have that “thing” in our life. There is absolutely nothing lost either way, and that is the beautiful part.

You Are the Light

I am unfinished business,
but perfect as I am.
My imperfections lay stagnant,
perfect as they are,
until the day they no longer serve me

I am cracked,
but never ever broken
Glass stained,
but beautifully with colour

In the same time the pieces “fall apart”
They all come together

There’s a picture
Beyond my control
That I long to see,
sooner than I am allowed

I am not God,
but there I days I crave to be
Pretend to have all of the answers,
but know that I do not

I have come to find Peace in this madness
Happiness in the chaos

Whoever said madness and chaos were the problem?
Man did
And this is the source of all man’s suffering

Beneath the chaos lies the truth.

I feared lack of control
But could only hold so tight

I can only see so far
And hindsight 20/20
has always served me well

As the pieces fall apart
They always come together

I am learning
I work hard
And I falter, day in, day out

But I am learning to be gentle with my soul
It only knows what it sees

But seeing is not believing.

I have grown
Not because I have the full picture now,
but because I no longer need the full picture

I walk blindly
Knowing He holds my hand
Taking me higher and higher

Pain will not bring me down
Hurt will not bring me down
Nothing will take me down

I will only be lifted higher

I will not suffer
Because I have chosen to no longer suffer

And yes, there will be moments
When I will fall back into suffering,
but I will release those moments when I am ready

I will repeat old patterns
Until they are no longer justified

Yes, I am afraid
Afraid to let go
I am human
No different than the rest

But I will never let fear control me

Fear lives where love belongs.

So fill the spaces in your life with love

Do not view those spaces as holes,
voids that need filling with immediate pleasure

Immediate pleasures only last so long
And when they leave they take a little more of you with them

So, as I said
Fill the spaces in your soul, in your life,
with love

Start with loving yourself,
Nothing good comes from a worn out soul

Pleasure should never be provided through your pain
Happiness should not be provided at your expense
Please know you are worth more than that

When you are happy with yourself
You emanate peace

The world absorbs your light
Without you losing any

Nothing good ever comes from a worn out soul.

So, feed your heart
Live and learn passionately
Feeding your soul is the path to enlightenment

The madness is just a dance,
Nothing more than a game of hide and seek

In the moments you feel lost
Remember you have everything within you to be found

In the darkness
There is a light
You are it
Yes, You are the Light.

Concept Entry: Marriage

Our society today has become obsessed with taking note that 50% of marriages end in divorce. They blame marriage. What they fail to acknowledge is that marriage is not the issue, 2 human beings are the issue. Now I have never been married, I don’t claim to know anything about marriage or it’s challenges, but I have been in relationships. Marriages are essentially relationships with a legal contract binding the 2 people together for a long time.

My opinion is that perhaps marriages wouldn’t fail if we went into them with different intentions. As young women growing up we are taught to find a man “who can/will provide for us,” and young men grow up learning that they “need to provide for women.” And we are taught that this is what makes us loveable. The women being provided for are the loveable women. And the men providing are the loveable men. This is the very reason marriages/relationships DO NOT last. Society/WE have placed these expectations on one another. If every human being went into a relationship solely providing for themselves first (and maintaining this mentality throughout the entire duration of the relationship), I would be willing to bet my life on that 50% decreasing enormously.

And if 2 people come together in marriage and grow apart, who are we to judge that? Do I hope to one day meet someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with? Yes. Do I hope to meet someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me? Yes. But I never plan on saying the words “until death do us part.” That sounds absolutely horrifying to me, like a jail sentence, a set up that will only develop a complacent attitude.

If I am staying by someone’s side and they are staying by mine, it will be out of the DESIRE to do so. If the moment ever comes that a legal contract or having my needs met are the only reasons I am in a relationship with someone, that is the moment I will likely get out of that contract and relationship.

If two people come together, not out of NEEDING one another, but because they truly WANT to dedicate their love to one human being for the rest of their lives, I cannot think of anything more beautiful.

In Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet-On Marriage” he wrote:

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”